Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. (Clint Eastwood)

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My Favourite
Quotes, One-liners, Phrases

I tend to forget the beautiful ones
so I decided to collect them here...
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then go here to send it to me

Er zijn ook een paar nederlandstalige..

  Order is for idiots, genius can handle chaos.

  I don't necessarily agree with my own opinion.

  Excuse me. You've mistaken me for someone who cares.

  I have a penis and a brain and only enough blood to run one at a time. (Robin Williams)

  If you want to be witty, say what you think at all times (Oscar Wilde)

  An idiot throws a rock into a well and ten smart people
have to do their best to get it out. (Romanian proverb)

  I don't get the whole getting drunk thing. (Sarah Michelle Gellar)

  Her tits explode glitter when she gets the chance (KatieGirl, on Paltalk)

  Romeo stalked Juliet, and it was fun for both. (Julius B.T.)

  A wiseguy is always right, even when he's wrong, he's right. Remember that. (Al Pacino in Carlito's Way)

  Help wanted from telepath: you know where to apply.

  If you don't have what you need, just rock with what you've got! (Patti Smith)

  The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train.. (Peter Don?)

  Mass appeal records can always transcend any apparatus they are played on; the expensive set up is only for judging coffee table records.
(from Timelords' how to have a number one the easy way, KLF)

  There's no processing, like no processing. (Ben Liebrand)

  Time is just a window someone forgot to close. (Aika)

  In order to have great happiness, you have to have great pain and unhappiness - otherwise how would you know when you're happy? (Leslie Caron, 1931)

  There is no greater sorrow than to recall happiness in times of misery. (Dante)

  "Freedom" is just another word for "nothing to lose". (Janis Joplin)

  If a person could make money writing loveletters, I'd be a billionaire by now. (Julius Thyssen)

  Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups.

  Every obnoxious act is a cry for help. (Zig Ziglar)

  If you don't run your own life, somebody else will. (John Atkinson)

  Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans.

  When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum.

  What does not destroy me makes me strong. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

  Doubt is not a pleasant condition but certainty is an absurd one. (Voltaire)

  He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how. (Nietzsche)

  If when why what, how much have you got?  Have you got it, do you get it, if so, how often? Which do you choose, the hard or soft option? (Bobby Orlando for PSBoys' West End Girls)

  Take your big stick, and your boyfriend, and go find a bus to catch. (Jean-Claude Van Damme in Hard Target)

  I'd rather walk through a fire than around it. (M.L.V.Ciccone)

  If you insist babe the challenge delights me
the more you resist babe the more it excites me.  (M.L.V.Ciccone)
  It's the ones who resist that we most want to kiss wouldn't you say?
It's the ones who persist for the sake of a kiss who will pay.  (G.Michael)

  It's hard to remember that you came to drain the swamp, when you are ass high in alligators. (Mike Mast)

  To achieve success: Break all the rules. (Robert de Wolf)

  About the time we make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

  Reality is that which refuses to go away when I close my eyes.

  Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

  In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. (H.G. Wells)

  Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. (Mae West)

  When I get nervous, I just stick out my breast. (Ally McBeal)

  Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.  :-)

  It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you

  The more a thing is perfect, the more it feels pleasure and likewise pain... (Dante) Inferno

  Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.

  Truth stands when the world is burning down.

  Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do and die. Eventually no matter what else happens, the Earth will be destroyed. Some of us don't want the ultimate fate of our world to be left to the hands of nature. We seek to shape the inevitable, thus leaving the mark of humanity upon the universe forever...
The rest of us just like big explosions. (John E. Chapman)

  When you're having a bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off at every turn, remember:
it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to pull the trigger of a decent sniper rifle. (Lauren Muglia)

  Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. (Les Brown)

  Christmas comes but once a year. Thank God you're not Christmas.

  Hell is for other people. (Jean-Paul Sartre)

  Do not do what you would undo if caught.

Sure, I'm insane, but it keeps me from going crazy !

  I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

  In a mad world, only the mad are sane. (Akiro Kurosawa)

  Normal is a setting on a washing machine.

  A clean, neat, and orderly work-place is a sure sign of a sick mind.

  Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

  Sanity is a cozy lie. (Susan Sontag)

  Neurotics build castles in the sky, and psychotics live in them, and people like me just pretend to live in them. (Andvari Huntress)

  Support mental health or I'll kill you!

  Never argue with a fool, people mightn't be able to tell the difference. (Peter Don?)

  Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

  Out of my mind Back in five minutes.

  Said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

  The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

  He/She who laughs last thinks slowest

  Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana


  You're only as good as your weakest link.

  A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are for. (John A. Shedd)

  You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

  Adult: One old enough to know better.

  All excellent things are as difficult as they are rare. (Benedict Spinoza)

  Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. (Charlie McCarthy)

  Be like a postage stamp; Stick to one thing until you get there. (Josh Billings)

  Dead people are cool.

  Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. (Mae West)

  Never accept anything you don't agree on. (Robert de Wolf)

  The best time to relax is when you don't have time for it. (Robert de Wolf)

  Someday is NOT a day of the week.

  Keep your words sweet - you may have to eat them.

  An imagination is a terrible thing to waste.

  Work. Buy. Consume. Die.

  Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.

  To work hard, to live hard, to die hard, and then go to hell after all would be too damn hard. (Carl Sandburg)

  Smile, they said, life could be worse. So I did, and it was.

  A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. (H.L. Mencken 1880-1956)

  If there's a will you want to be in it.

  We don't believe in miracles we rely upon them.

  I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time either.

  Ironic, isn't it, that the civilization of Dante, Caravaggio, Keats and Einstein will end with some fried, feebleminded kid breaking into a Level 4 maximum-security biological weapons facility, mumbling "Yo - what the fuck...?" (me)

  There are plenty of people who believe that Elvis is alive, or that aliens occasionally land here to do highly personal things to people, or that the whole idea of evolution is a conspiracy of godless scientists. Almost all of these people can vote and some of them have got guns. (Terry Pratchett)

  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

  Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

  While we are not ideal people, we must be people of ideals. (Pat Henderson)

  Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless; peacocks, and lilies for instance. (Ruskin)

  Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

  That is the best part of beauty, which a picture cannot express. (F. Bacon)

  The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

  "You, sir, are drunk." (Woman)
"Yes. But you, madam, are ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning." (Winston Churchill)

  Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, but it is one helluva way to fit into the rest of society. (Bill)

  We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

  We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter. (Denis Diderot)

  Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its coattails. (Clarence Darrow)

  Go to the truth beyond the mind. Love is the bridge. (Stephen Levine)

  Hate has a reason for everything. But love is unreasonable. (V. Raiuhes Ahaefvthe)

  The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye. The story of love is hello and goodbye. Until we meet again. (J.Hendrix)

  Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away. (Dorothy Parker)

  Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. (Albert Einstein)

  Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love. (Albert Einstein)

  Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage. (Ambrose Bierce)

  Love is no more than an illusive ferrytailed deal humanity made to achieve reproduction. (unknown)

  Love looks through a telescope; envy through a microscope.

  Love means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all. (G.K. Chesterton)

  Love does not make the world go around, just up and down a bit. (Crossfire)

  Laissez les bon temps rouler.

  Partir c'est mourir un peu.

  Honni soit qui mal y pense. (Louis XIV; Evil be to him who evil thinks).

  The french, sex and comedies are funny, yet no french sex comedies are funny.

  No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. (Henry Kissinger)

  A tree will stand in one spot for fifty years and then suddenly jump out in front of a woman driver. (Alfred E. Neuman)

  While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his.

  Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

  A woman who can't make up her mind at the right time will at the wrong time. (Joseph Welde)

  I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. (Zsa Zsa Gabor)

  When a girl marries she exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one. (Helen Rowland)

  Those who can't write, write manuals.

  Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot

  It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

  Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

  Technology is dominated by two types of people:
  1. Those who understand what they do not manage.
  2. Those who manage what they do not understand.

  If there's artificial intelligence, there's bound to be some artificial stupidity.

  Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. (Robert A. Heinlein - Logic of Empire)

  Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Albert Einstein)

  A PROGRAM: A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages, to engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward.

  The really great scientific discoveries aren't usually accompanied by the shout of "Eureka" but by the murmur of "That's funny." (Isaac Asimov)

  If you want something very, very badly, let it go free. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever.
If it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it! (Cedro Wooly)

  Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god.

  The trouble with being a god is that you have no-one to pray to. (Terry Pratchett - Small Gods)

  Only gods and saints run around unafraid. And liars. This is a game. Somebody has to win. Somebody has to lose. And there is so much real in that. And what is it that you're afraid of? That you might lose? What's to lose? (Nike)

  Lord save me from your followers

  God does not play dice with the universe. (Einstein)

  Jesus is coming, everyone look busy !

  The more you complain, the longer God lets you live

  Man needs God like a goldfish needs a motorbike.

  Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. (Carl Zwanzig)

  "God is dead." (Nietzche)
  "Nietzche is dead." (God)
  "Nietzche is God." (The Dead)

  "To do is to be." (Plato)
  "To be is to do." (Kant)
  "Do be do be do." (Frank Sinatra)

  Knowledge is the intellectual manipulation of carefully verified observations. (Sigmund Freud)

  If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you. (Winston Churchill)

  Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat. (Ambrose Bierce)

  Never get angry. Never make a threat. Reason with people. (Don Corleone in The Godfather by Mario Puzo)

  While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

  Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.

  Money is a good servant but a bad master. (Francis Bacon)

  When I was young, I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is. (Oscar Wilde)

  Always borrow money from a pessimist; they don't expect to be paid back.

  If you see a sacred cow, milk it for all it's worth.

  The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

  Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing. (Vince Lombardi)

  Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to recommend it.

  Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people. (Richard M. Nixon)

  The mockingbird can change its tune eighty-seven times in seven minutes. Politicians regard this interesting fact with envy.

  You don't tell deliberate lies, but sometimes you have to be evasive. (Margaret Thatcher)

  Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

  Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. (Pablo Picasso)

  Great art is an instant arrested in eternity. (James Huneker)

  The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain. (Lord Byron)

  Life is a bowl of strawberries. Eat the strawberries. But don't expect whipped cream on every single one.

  Not only is life a bitch, but it is always having puppies. (Adrienne Gusoff)

  It is not true that life is one damn thing after another, it is the same damn thing over and over. (Edna St. Vincent Millay)

  Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality. (RD Laing)

  Life is like a pubic hair on a toilet seat; Every now and then you get pissed off.

  Life is like a game of tennis; the player who serves well seldomly loses.

  Life is like a Ferrari; It moves too fast! But don't worry about it... you can't afford it anyway.

  There's nothing wrong with building dream castles as long as you don't try to move in.

  The strong do what they have the power to do and the weak accept what they have to accept. (History of the Peloponnesian War, Thucydides)

  I'm afraid of the skeletons in my closet. I've got a whole cemetery full of them. (Charles Barkley commenting on his possible plans to run for governor)

  Keep your face to the sunshine and you can never see the shadow. (Helen Keller)

  Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it. (Martin Luther King Jr.)

  The mysteries of the earth beckon to you. What man now knows is little enough, and most of his general concepts in every field are vitiated by the artificial concepts he has created to cover his ignorance. These concepts must be destroyed. One tool exists that can accomplish this destruction, and this tool is in your hands. It is simply curiosity - the instinct to ask and to question. It should be kept sharp and used without mercy. (Richard W. Noone)

  You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. NOW. (Joan Baez)

  Where is all the air for breathing? I'm not leaving until I know. (The Posies)

  Why did the Mafia kill Einstein? He knew too much.

  A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory

  Honk If You Haven't Slept With Bill Clinton

  If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished

  I R S : We've got what it takes to take what you've got

  Guns don't kill people, postal workers do

  Ask me about microwaving dogs for fun and profit

  Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math

  Friends help you move, Real friends help you move bodies

  Be nice to your kids, They'll be choosing your nursing home

  Your kid may be an honor student... but you're still a fuckin' idiot (Ken Oliver)

  We learn from history that we do not learn from history. (Georg Hegel)

  Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift; thatís why they call it the present.

  Quantum particles: The dreams that stuff is made of.

  Wie geen vast doel heeft kan niet verdwalen.

  Een bed is gauw te breed voor wie elkander minnen.

  De kortste afstand tussen twee punten is een rechte lijn.

  Het meest te wow.. is een genietende vrouw.. (JBT)

  "Ik altijd te vroeg, jij altijd te laat, samen komen we vast precies op tijd.." (ikzelf tegen Jolanda de Putter)

  Mobiel telefoneren is een vorm van incontinentie. (Midas Dekkers)

  Het leven is net een aflevering van The Twilight Zone; Juist als je de moraal ervan denkt te gaan begrijpen begint de aftiteling al.. (JBT)

  Mensen zullen hun grootste stenen altijd gooien naar de boom die de meest waardevolle vruchten in zich draagt. (J.B.Thyssen)

  Een boom groeit niet door aan de takken te trekken. (Erik B.)

  Een man met visie heeft vijanden. (Chineze wijsheid)

  Wie een vraag stelt is 5 minuten dwaas, wie geen vraag stelt blijft altijd een dwaas. (Chinees spreekwoord)

  Aan het klepperend hoefijzer ontbreekt een spijker. (A. Schopenhauer)

  Het leven is een groot feest, alleen mijn uitnodiging is zoekgeraakt in de post.

  Mensen zijn als honden; Zodra ze ophouden met blaffen willen ze bijten. (JBT)

  Als honden bijten blaffen ze niet.

  Peuters gaan zich steeds volwassener gedragen. (Trouw)


  How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have that dangerous beak. (Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts)
  Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
  Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
  Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
  Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
  Why Ask Why?
  If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
  If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
  If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
  Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
  Why do they call them buildings when they're already built?
  Why do they call them apartments when they're close together?
  Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  How come wrong numbers are never busy?
  What's another word for Thesaurus?
  Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor when you cannot drink and drive? And why do bars have parking lots?
  You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of that same material?
  If you see a heat wave, should you wave back?
  Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
  Who decided what order to put the alphabet in?
  Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
  How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
  If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

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